Things to be Noted by Business People Who Use English as a Second Language

1. Structure messages logically 信函结构安排恰当

(1)Opening 开头

第一段陈述写信或邮件的原因,主要包括:告知收到来信,提及一次见面或者交流,以便引出本次要讨论的事情。

【Example】

(a)Thank you for your email of March 14.

(b)Meeting you and the other members of the product selection team last Friday was a pleasure.

(2)Body part 正文

函电的正文部分应提供收信人需要了解的所有信息以及你要求对方提供什么样的信息。每部分信息独立成段,细节陈述应清楚准确。

【Example】

(a)We have shipped a replacement case of Humus Chips today at no charge. You should receive them within two days. There's no need to return the damaged product. You may dispose of the crushed chips anyway you wish.

(b)Being a new company with a new product, we want you to know that we value your business and will do everything we can to make sure this doesn't happen again.

(c)In addition, I am crediting $155 to your account to reflect a 20% discount off your original order.

(3)Conclusion(action or response)结论(行动或回应)

这部分表达希望收信人采取何种行动,也可以包括你将采取的行动。

【Example】

(a)Visit our website at www.xyz.com or call us at ××× to request a free quote. You'll find daily specials on our website and pictures of our latest offerings.

(b)Attached is our pro forma invoice. Please stamp and sign back soon.

(4)Close 结尾

通常只是简单的一两句话。常用的有:

【Example】

(a)Looking forward to hearing from you.

(b)Please call me or email me if you have any questions.

2. Write for a positive effect 力求积极的写作效果

商务函电沟通的首要目的是传递信息,商务函电的文本需要清晰。此外,商务函电文本中传递出的友好积极的语气对维护合作关系很重要,沟通的一方或者双方如果英语都不是母语的话,对如何达到友好积极的写作效果尤其需要特别注意,因为英语和其母语的表达方式不同。

(1)Use positive language 积极的语言

所有词汇短语都传递出特定的情感情绪,有的表达褒义和积极情绪,比如supportive,appreciate,helpful;有的表达传递出不满和指责等负面的情绪,比如failure,neglect,regret。当今的商务沟通和谈判中我们主张双赢的合作关系,强调杯子是半杯满,不是半杯空,积极肯定的语气有利于建立长久的商务关系。

因此,在商务函电文本中尽量避免负面的字眼,比如problem,error,damage,destroy,failure,neglect。当然,也不是绝对不可以使用,有的沟通情形需要表达这样的意思,沟通中的强势方更有可能使用这样的字眼。

【Example 1】

(a)I regret to inform you that we cannot refund your deposit unless you return the goods within a week.

(a)句中斜体单词regret传递出负面情绪,此外,unless…的语法结构传递出负面、威胁的语气。上句整体强调的是不友好的惩罚性的信息。试比较改成下面的表达方式,重点移到对方如果怎么做就能得到什么,语气变得积极。

(b)You will be able to receive a full refund of deposit if you return the goods within a week.

【Example 2】

(a)This is the third time that you have made deliveries to our dissatisfaction.

(a)句中显然在批评对方未交出满意的货物,如果写作者确实需要表达这样的情绪,未尝不可。如果写作者希望维持双方友好的业务关系,不妨弱化责怪的负面语气,试比较如下表达,告知坏消息时表达自己的情绪,从和对方一起解决问题的角度写作,沟通效果更积极。

(b)This is the third time that deliveries have been made in error. Is there anything wrong?

(2)Use a conversational style 会话体

商务函电中使用的英语侧重于表达清晰度和沟通的效果,特别是网络技术的发展使得商务人士的沟通更为频繁,更为迅捷,商务的书面沟通也趋向于口语体,犹如面对面的口头沟通。

【Example 1】

(a)I shall be most pleased to avail myself of your kind suggestion when and if prices decline.

(a)句中的斜体词组avail…of表达正式,对于商务函电写作而言,强化了双方关系的正式程度,而不是拉近双方的关系。试比较下面的口语体的简洁的表达。

(b)I will be happy to follow your suggestions if the price falls.

【Example 2】

(a)We would like to draw your attention to the fact that we have closed the account specified as requested.

(a)句中的同位语从句的运用使得沟通很正式,表达客套冗长,不妨改为下面简洁而且直接的句式。

(b)Please note that we have closed the account specified as you asked.

(3)Use a you-view point“以对方为先”的态度

“以对方为先”(you attitude, you view)的沟通方式的好处在于把关注的重点从自己移到读者。人们沟通时常常从自我为中心的角度出发,反映在商务函电写作中,就是通篇的I和We为开头的句式。如果进行商务函电写作时,能够着眼于读者的兴趣和利益,着眼于对方的视角,能产生积极的沟通效果。例如:You will receive your coupon(s)by email 72 hours after your order has been shipped. 在英语国家的购物网站上,经常可以看到这样的“以对方为先”的表达方式,重点放在顾客可以得到什么,而不是自己提供什么。不仅仅简单地用you开头的句式就意味着“以对方为先”,更多地依据具体表达的情境选用适当的措辞。试比较下面各组中的表达效果。

【Example 1】

(a)You will be happy to hear that your scholarship has been renewed.

(b)Congratulations!Your scholarship has been renewed.

在此例中,(a)句的you-attitude反而显得高高在上,(b)句的会话式的开头自然。

【Example 2】

(a)You failed to sign your check.

(b)Your check was not signed.

在此例中的(a)句有怪罪别人的语气,(b)句用被动式不针对人,只是针对事情,就事论事。

3. Keep messages concise 保持文本简洁

(1)Use simple vocabulary 词汇的简洁

短词清晰而且容易被理解,大词难词提高了文本的正式程度。 比如,facilitate shipment中的facilitate可以用更为简洁的词汇speed来表达。再比如,show比demonstrate要简洁。

【Example】

(a)Maintaining non-technical vocabulary simplification is not always a facile principle to pursue.

(a)句中大词的堆积不利于信息的理解和接受。试比较用简明的词汇把句子改为:

(b)Keeping non-technical words simple is not always an easy thing to do.

(2)Reduce wordy phrases 冗长词组的删减

冗长的词组延缓了信息传递的速度,并没有增加沟通的表达效果,不妨用更简洁的单词表达。比如for the reason that,due to the fact that,owing to the fact that,considering the fact that,on thegrounds that这些短语在商务性的写作中可以用because,since或者that来代替。短语as regards,in reference to,with regard to可以直接改用简洁的单词about。一些名词化的词组同样地弱化了信息中提出或建议的行动,改用动词可以直接地表达意思。

【Example】

(a)The stability and quality of our financial performance will be developed through the profitable execution of our existing business, as well as the acquisition or development of new businesses.

(a)句中以-tion和-ment结尾的名词化结构使得句子的意思晦涩,不利于商务信息的迅速传递,试比较:

(b)We will improve our financial performance not only by executing our existing business more profitably but by acquiring or developing new businesses.

(b)句中的动词性结构直接明了地传递信息。

(3)Keep sentences short 句子的简短

长句会延长阅读时间,需要读者投入更长的注意力,而现今工作节奏的加快、注意力的碎片化,使得很少有人愿意对长句一读再读。在商务性写作中,由于商务文件和合同等一些文本比较正式,经常出现一些复杂的长句,这样的长句最好能够断成短句。

【Example】

(a)The best thing to do in this situation is to remember not to input more data, which can cause the data already entered to be lost and can result in your having to re-enter the data, and possibly you may need to re-enter the data from the previous entries that could have been corrupted.

(a)句过长。长句影响信息理解的速度,从而妨碍沟通的效率。这样的长句可以切成几个短句,一个句子一件事,使得信息更加清晰,试比较修改后的句子。

(b)The best thing to do in this situation is to stop inputting data. If you input more data, you may lose the data you have already entered. That may result in your having to re-enter the data you just entered and, possibly, the data from the previous entries that could have been corrupted.

(4)Use simple tenses 时态的简洁

商务函电主要是传递和沟通信息,时态尽量简洁,确保符合商务函电沟通的清晰、直接和简洁的特点。

【Example 1】

(a)Should this trial order prove satisfactory to our customers, we may place repeat orders.

(a)句中的虚拟语态暗含着发生的可能性小,在此语境中,使用虚拟语态隐含着对自己的货物信心不够,语气消极。不妨改用:

(b)If our customers are happy with this initial order, we may repeat our orders.

(b)句为简洁的商务沟通中常用的条件从句。

【Example 2】

(a)We had been aware that the argument could have been less confusing.

(a)句中的语法用了完成时态和虚拟语态,用在商务性的文本中较晦涩。试比较直接写:

(b)We knew the argument was complicated.

(b)句中的一般过去时直接表述事件发生的时间,句子简洁清晰。

4. Write Correct English 使用正确的英语

(1)Use words correctly 词汇正确

商务函电沟通时,正确使用单词才能使句子的意思清晰,避免歧义。

首先,拼写上容易混淆的词汇要拼写准确。比如,affect和effect,personal和personnel,principal和principle等拼写不要混淆。

其次,意思上容易混淆的词汇要区别开来。比如,下面例子中的infer和imply,formally和formerly意思不要混淆。

【Example1】

(a)I infer from your letter that conditions have improved.

(a)句中的infer 意思是draw the conclusion, 我们可以说Readers and listeners infer。

(b)Do you mean to imply that conditions have improved?

(b)句中的imply意思是hint, 我们可以说Speakers and writers imply。

【Example 2】

(a)The award will be formally presented at tomorrow's convocation.

(b)Tom formerly worked for the department of revenue.

此例(a)句中的formally意思是in a formal manner。(b)句中的formerly意思是at an earlier time。

另外,词汇的搭配也是母语非英语者应该特别要注意的一点。每个语言的词汇都有其特定的搭配习惯,英文中对于词语之间的搭配有很多约定俗成的规则,而这些规则与汉语中的搭配规则并不一致。比如,英文中的knowledge常常和get,acquire,gain搭配表示获取知识,而如果说learn knowledge就是中式英语。

【Example 3】

(a)In the past the prices of digital products were so expensive that most families could not afford them.

(a)句中的prices只能与high,low,moderate等搭配,而不能与expensive搭配,expensive用来指物品本身而不是价格,因此可以改为:

(b)In the past the prices of digital products were so high that most families could not afford them.

或者:

(c)In the past digital products were so expensive that most families could not afford them.

(2)Use grammar correctly 语法正确

正确运用语法是能够正确表达信息的重要一环。由于不同语言的语法差异很大,对英语非母语的商务函电写作者来说,掌握英语语法的正确使用方法需要尤其注意。

【Example 1】

(a)The Board is pleased to announce the promotion of Jane Doe to Acting Manager.

(b)The Board were split on the need for budget cuts.

此例(a)句中的集合名词是作为一个整体的意思,就作为单数使用,谓语就用“is”。(b)句中的Board代表了董事会不同的声音和观点,谓语用动词“were”配合,这是主谓一致的例子。在中文语境中,这两个句子不会出现主谓一致的问题,因而商务函电写作时不要忽视这个语法点。

【Example 2】

试看下例中的语法问题:

(a)While reading the director's report, Gibbon's phone rang.

(a)句中的语法意味着reading的逻辑主语是Gibbon's phone,显然不合逻辑。需要改成语法正确的(b):

(b)While Gibbon was reading the director's report, the phone rang.

(3)Use punctuations correctly 标点符号正确

尽管网络的普及使用使得语言使用也发生了一些变化,拼写、标点和文法都变得不讲究了,但是在商务函电沟通中,正确地使用语言包括标点符号,也是商务人士专业形象的反映。例如所有格符号(apostrophe)的正确使用,词组ten years' experience,two weeks' notice,today's schedule中的所有格符号能够放到正确的位置。但是the 1920s,yours,ours这样的用法中则不需要用所有格符号。

用逗号分隔流水句(run-on sentence)也是英语非母语的商务函电写作者容易犯的错误。流水句是指用逗号连接两个或多个不带关联词或连接词的独立句子,这在英语语法上是错误的。

【Example】

(a)Huang is the most diligent employee, I would like him on my team.

(a)句就是英文里的run-on sentence,缺乏连接词来连接两个独立的句子。可以修改为下面的(b),(c),(d)或者(e), 商务英语写作的关键是清晰简洁,所以下面中的(c)是最简洁的一种用法。

(b)Huang is the most diligent employee;(therefore,)I would like him on my team.

(c)Huang is the most diligent employee.(As a result,)I would like him on my team.

(d)Huang is the most diligent employee, and I would like him on my team.

(e)Because Huang is the most diligent employee, I would like him on my team.

5. Do editing and proof-reading 修改校对文本

现今的商务函电沟通频率快,但是即使是一封简短的邮件也需要完成初稿后回头修改校对。因为读者会一眼看出邮件的质量,看出写作者用英语来进行商务沟通的能力,也能清楚地看出写作者是否有专业的工作态度。

修改校对时,检查拼写、缩写、语法等语言错误和格式不当之处,可以运用但不能完全依赖计算机的自动拼写和语法检查功能,机器不可能识别所有的错误。

修改校对环节同样重要的是修改写作的内容,突出文本的重点,删减繁复的内容,调整信息的位置,润色语言,使自己的商务函电信息完整、连贯、简洁、清晰和有说服力。

请注意两组例子是有关句子的修订。

【Example 1】

(a)The featured speaker will address the chemical disposal problem and how his or her company is handling it.

(b)The featured speaker will address the chemical disposal problem and how to handle it.

此例(a)句中的speaker对应的代词是his or her,放在句中意味着演讲者还未选定,有些繁复和不严谨。(b)句中换了个表达结构,避开了性别的问题。在修改和校对文本时,这样的修改往往被商务函电写作者所忽视。

【Example 2】

(a)Each of the supervisors is qualified to lead his team.

(b)All the supervisors are qualified to lead their teams.

此例(a)句中的supervisor如果碰巧都是男性,用his搭配不错。但是在女性活跃在职场上的今天,使用这样的性别歧视色彩的语言,显然不当。(b)句避免了这样的错误。