一、官方写作样题及各分段范文解析

下面我们看一下这几套官方样题及各分段的范文。

1．官方写作样题1（附各分段范文及详细解析）

(OG Practice Test #4)

As you read the passage below, consider how Paul Bogard uses

● evidence, such as facts or examples, to support claims.

● reasoning to develop ideas and to connect claims and evidence.

● stylistic or persuasive elements, such as word choice or appeals to emotion, to add power to the ideas expressed.

Adapted from Paul Bogard, "Let There Be Dark." ©2012 by Los Angeles Times. Originally published December 21, 2012.

At my family's cabin on a Minnesota lake, I knew woods so dark that my hands disappeared before my eyes. I knew night skies in which meteors left smoky trails across sugary spreads of stars. But now, when 8 of 10 children born in the United States will never know a sky dark enough for the Milky Way, I worry we are rapidly losing night's natural darkness before realizing its worth. This winter solstice, as we cheer the days' gradual movement back toward light, let us also remember the irreplaceable value of darkness.

All life evolved to the steady rhythm of bright days and dark nights. Today, though, when we feel the closeness of nightfall, we reach quickly for a light switch. And too little darkness, meaning too much artificial light at night, spells trouble for all.

Already the World Health Organization classifies working the night shift as a probable human carcinogen, and the American Medical Association has voiced its unanimous support for "light pollution reduction efforts and glare reduction efforts at both the national and state levels." Our bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin, which keeps certain cancers from developing, and our bodies need darkness for sleep. Sleep disorders have been linked to diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression, and recent research suggests one main cause of "short sleep" is "long light." Whether we work at night or simply take our tablets, notebooks and smartphones to bed, there isn't a place for this much artificial light in our lives.

The rest of the world depends on darkness as well, including nocturnal and crepuscular species of birds, insects, mammals, fish and reptiles. Some examples are well known — the 400 species of birds that migrate at night in North America, the sea turtles that come ashore to lay their eggs — and some are not, such as the bats that save American farmers billions in pest control and the moths that pollinate 80% of the world's flora. Ecological light pollution is like the bulldozer of the night, wrecking habitat and disrupting ecosystems several billion years in the making. Simply put, without darkness, Earth's ecology would collapse...

In today's crowded, louder, more fast-paced world, night's darkness can provide solitude, quiet and stillness, qualities increasingly in short supply. Every religious tradition has considered darkness invaluable for a soulful life, and the chance to witness the universe has inspired artists, philosophers and everyday stargazers since time began. In a world awash with electric light...how would Van Gogh have given the world his "Starry Night"? Who knows what this vision of the night sky might inspire in each of us, in our children or grandchildren?

Yet all over the world, our nights are growing brighter. In the United States and Western Europe, the amount of light in the sky increases an average of about 6% every year. Computer images of the United States at night, based on NASA photographs, show that what was a very dark country as recently as the 1950s is now nearly covered with a blanket of light. Much of this light is wasted energy, which means wasted dollars. Those of us over 35 are perhaps among the last generation to have known truly dark nights. Even the northern lake where I was lucky to spend my summers has seen its darkness diminish.

It doesn't have to be this way. Light pollution is readily within our ability to solve, using new lighting technologies and shielding existing lights. Already, many cities and towns across North America and Europe are changing to LED streetlights, which offer dramatic possibilities for controlling wasted light. Other communities are finding success with simply turning off portions of their public lighting after midnight. Even Paris, the famed "city of light," which already turns off its monument lighting after 1 a.m., will this summer start to require its shops, offices and public buildings to turn off lights after 2 a.m. Though primarily designed to save energy, such reductions in light will also go far in addressing light pollution. But we will never truly address the problem of light pollution until we become aware of the irreplaceable value and beauty of the darkness we are losing.

Write an essay in which you explain how Paul Bogard builds an argument to persuade his audience that natural darkness should be preserved. In your essay, analyze how Bogard uses one or more of the features in the directions that precede the passage (or features of your own choice) to strengthen the logic and persuasiveness of his argument. Be sure that your analysis focuses on the most relevant features of the passage.

Your essay should not explain whether you agree with Bogard's claims, but rather explain how Bogard builds an argument to persuade his audience.

这是一篇关于环保题材的阅读材料，节选自《洛杉矶时报》，文章总共700词。作者选择了我们比较熟悉的光污染话题进行了论述，全文的难度系数并不高。

考生作文1（Scores：4/4/4）

In response to our world's growing reliance on artificial light, writer Paul Bogard argues that natural darkness should be preserved in his article "Let there be dark". He effectively builds his argument by using a personal anecdote, allusions to art and history, and rhetorical questions.

Bogard starts his article off by recounting a personal story — a summer spent on a Minnesota lake where there was "woods so dark that [his] hands disappeared before [his] eyes." In telling this brief anecdote, Bogard challenges the audience to remember a time where they could fully amass themselves in natural darkness void of artificial light. By drawing in his readers with a personal encounter about night darkness, the author means to establish the potential for beauty, glamour, and awe-inspiring mystery that genuine darkness can possess. He builds his argument for the preservation of natural darkness by reminiscing for his readers a first-hand encounter that proves the "irreplaceable value of darkness." This anecdote provides a baseline of sorts for readers to find credence with the author's claims.

Bogard's argument is also furthered by his use of allusion to art — Van Gogh's "Starry Night" — and modern history — Paris' reputation as "The City of Light". By first referencing "Starry Night", a painting generally considered to be undoubtedly beautiful, Bogard establishes that the natural magnificence of stars in a dark sky is definite. A world absent of excess artificial light could potentially hold the key to a grand, glorious night sky like Van Gogh's according to the writer. This urges the readers to weigh the disadvantages of our world consumed by unnatural, vapid lighting. Furthermore, Bogard's alludes to Paris as "the famed ‘city of light'". He then goes on to state how Paris has taken steps to exercise more sustainable lighting practices. By doing this, Bogard creates a dichotomy between Paris' traditionally alluded-to name and the reality of what Paris is becoming — no longer "the city of light", but more so "the city of light...before 2 AM". This furthers his line of argumentation because it shows how steps can be and are being taken to preserve natural darkness. It shows that even a city that is literally famous for being constantly lit can practically address light pollution in a manner that preserves the beauty of both the city itself and the universe as a whole.

Finally, Bogard makes subtle yet efficient use of rhetorical questioning to persuade his audience that natural darkness preservation is essential. He asks the readers to consider "what the vision of the night sky might inspire in each of us, in our children or grandchildren?" in a way that brutally plays to each of our emotions. By asking this question, Bogard draws out heartfelt ponderance from his readers about the affecting power of an untainted night sky. This rhetorical question tugs at the readers' heartstrings; while the reader may have seen an unobscured night skyline before, the possibility that their child or grandchild will never get the chance sways them to see as Bogard sees. This strategy is definitively an appeal to pathos, forcing the audience to directly face an emotionally-charged inquiry that will surely spur some kind of response. By doing this, Bogard develops his argument, adding gutthral power to the idea that the issue of maintaining natural darkness is relevant and multifaceted.

Writing as a reaction to his disappointment that artificial light has largely permeated the presence of natural darkness, Paul Bogard argues that we must preserve true, unaffected darkness. He builds this claim by making use of a personal anecdote, allusions, and rhetorical questioning.

范文点评

阅读方面

①主旨层面：准确地识别了阅读材料主旨句，并用简洁凝练的语言概括了全文。

Eg. Natural darkness should be preserved; we must preserve true, unaffected darkness.

②证据层面：从阅读材料中找寻到了丰富的证据来说明作者如何支持主旨，比如，提及作者用个人轶事开篇的好处，以及作者对历史典故和反问句的使用。

Eg. Bogard's argument is also furthered by his use of allusion to art—Van Gogh's "Starry Night"—and modern history—Paris' reputation as "The City of Light".

③信息摘录：并未直接引用大段的阅读原文，而是用自己简洁精确的转述语言全面解读Bogard的这篇文章，同时也能直接引用原文的主要细节和词句。

Eg. A world absent of excess artificial light could potentially hold the key to a grand, glorious night sky like Van Gogh's according to the writer.

④关联部分：能够清晰有条理地说明Bogard如何使用细节来支持主旨。

Eg. He builds his argument for the preservation of natural darkness by reminiscing for his readers a first-hand encounter that proves the "irreplaceable value of darkness."

分析方面

①识别层面：识别出了Bogard使用个人轶事、艺术和历史引喻、反问的修辞手段等方法来展开他的议论。

②分析层面：分析了Bogard为何采用这几种手法，并描述了作者采用这些手法对读者产生的整体效果。作文使用有说服力的逻辑链，从修辞手法的功能性和读者效果性两个方面全面分析了Bogard采用这几种手法的作用。分析时引用了大量效果描述词，并从多种角度深度解析了重要细节点。

Eg. In telling this brief anecdote, Bogard challenges the audience to remember a time where they could fully amass themselves in natural darkness void of artificial light. By drawing in his readers with a personal encounter...the author means to establish the potential for beauty, glamour, and awe-inspiring mystery that genuine darkness can possess... This anecdote provides a baseline of sorts for readers to find credence with the author's claims.

写作方面

①结构层面：这篇作文有清晰明确的主旨句。篇章的主体段紧密围绕着Bogard原文的三个主体部分展开，每一段的段落内部的行文逻辑清晰严谨。开头段和结尾段的写作技巧纯熟，并很好地概括了Bogard的主旨及其全篇的分析结构。

Eg. He effectively builds his argument by using a personal anecdote, allusions to art and history, and rhetorical questions.

②词句层面：全篇用词准确，措辞得当。文章句式变换多样，且使用了很多高级的复杂句。

Eg. the natural magnificence of stars in a dark sky is definite; our world consumed by unnatural, vapid lighting; the affecting power of an untainted night sky

By doing this, Bogard creates a dichotomy between Paris' traditionally alluded-to name and the reality of what Paris is becoming — no longer "the city of light", but more so "the city of light…before 2 AM."

上面这篇满分范文是官方发表的一篇高质量文章，值得同学们用来初步学习和了解SAT写作。下面让我们来看一组没有获得满分的文章，其中按顺序包括了从低分段的“211”文章到接近满分段的“434”文章，这些文章不仅存在着行文和构思的问题，还存在着不同程度的语法、词法和句式问题。大家可以先了解这些分段的文章，再对比满分范文，便于自己更好地掌握自身的分数情况。

考生作文2（Scores：2/1/1）（语法问题严重）

In "Let there be dark," Paul Bogard talks about the importance of darkness.Daess is essential to humans. Bogard states, "Our bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin, which keeps certain cancers from developing, and our bodies need darkness for sleep. Sleep disorders have been linked to diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression and recent research suggests one main cause of 'short sleep' is 'long light.' Whether we work at night or simply take our tablets, notebooks and smartphones to bed, there isn't a place for this much artificial light in our lives." (Bogard 2). Here, Bogard talks about the importance of darkness to humans. Humans need darkness to sleep in order to be healthy.

Animals also need darkness. Bogard states, "The rest of the world depends on darkness as well, including nocturnal and crepuscular species of birds, insects, mammals, fish and reptiles. Some examples are well known — the 400 species of birds that migrate at night in North America, the sea turtles that come ashore to lay their eggs — and some are not, such as the bats that save American farmers billions in pest control and the moths that pollinate 80% of the world's flora. Ecological light pollution is like the bulldozer of the night, wrecking habitat and disrupting ecosystems several billion years in the making. Simply put, without darkness, Earth's ecology would collapse..." (Bogard 2). Here Bogard explains that animals, too, need darkness to survive.

范文点评

这篇作文过度直接引用了阅读材料的内容，分析方面也只停留在了摘录层面，语言技巧薄弱。

阅读方面

①主旨和证据层面：仅有空泛的主旨和少量证据。

②信息摘录：这篇作文从阅读材料中原封不动地摘录了两段内容，通过摘选和对两个重要段落的简单总结展现出了对Bogard的两个主要论点——黑暗对人类和动物的必要性的理解。

③关联层面：作文对文章的主要观点和重要细节没有更深层次的理解。

分析方面

①识别层面：没有识别出阅读文章中所用的主要手法或技巧。

②分析层面：作文没有尝试分析Bogard是如何使用论据、论证或修辞手法等技巧来论证自己的观点，而仅仅从原文摘录了两句话并简单重述了每个观点。

写作方面

①结构层面：这篇作文的行文几乎不连贯。全文由一个非常宽泛的主旨句开篇，但是没有明显的开头段和结尾段，所以结构不完整。

Eg. In "Let there be dark," Paul Bogard talks about the importance of darkness.

②词句层面：作文全篇都是直接引用，几乎没有原创性的语言，所以很难判断其句式变换的能力。

考生作文3（Scores：2/1/1）（语法问题严重）

Bogard builds an argument to persuade his audience about what he is concering about and feels it important to take care about. His essay talks about so much facts about sleeping how so little can effect us health wise examples like getting sleep disorders, diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression. This facts helps people persuade the audience he also say that the world health organization classifies working night shift is bad. In his argument is not all about how it bad for the body he also claims and have proof that light cost are expensive and really costing people because they have light all night long. He also claims light is messing with mother nature that animals need darkness to feed eat move around because there noctuaral creatures. He has details facts about human body, animals and about mother nature that he can use to support his idea of not using so much light at night and how we need darkness. With these features he can persuade the auidence because people dont know why darkness can be good for us. He was all of facts and examples that he claim is efficting us and there world.

范文点评

这篇作文在阅读方面脱离原文语境，停留在断章取义层面，分析也只停留在了识别层面，写作技巧薄弱。

阅读方面

①主旨和证据层面：作文直到最后一段才提及主旨句，文段中包含了少量细节。

②关联层面：作文中的细节脱离了Bogard原文的语境，这反映出考生在表达观点时并未理解这些细节与主旨和全文的关系。例如：作者提及了原文中的健康问题，即熬夜工作是不好的，以及灯光成本很高，但是作者没有解释这些观点跟Bogard的主旨，即“我们应该保留自然的黑暗”是如何联系的。

分析方面

①识别层面：能够识别出少量特征和手法。

Eg. His essay talks about so much facts about sleeping how so little can effect us health wise examples like getting sleep disorders, diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression. This facts helps people persuade the audience...

②分析层面：这篇作文仅仅识别出了Bogard使用的论据，并未解释论据与主旨的关系。考生注意到了Bogard文中的细节信息但并没有认识到这些信息的修辞效果。作文虽然在总结处提到了原文有说服效果，但是并没有解释这些特征为什么具有说服力。

Eg. With these features he can persuade the auidence because people dont know why darkness can be good for us.

写作方面

①结构层面：写作技巧薄弱，全文不连贯。考生因为语言能力的欠缺，从开篇起就没有建立起清晰明确的主旨，且缺乏开头段和结尾段。

Eg. Bogard builds an argument to persuade his audience about what he is concering about and feels it important to take care about.

②词句层面：文中的句子只有零散地连接，并无语义的清晰递进（文中考生只是大幅地列出了Bogard的主旨句）；没有句式变换；用词简单重复，词义含糊，语言薄弱。

Eg. "He also claims" is used two sentences in a row in this brief response.

考生作文4（Scores：2/1/2）（语法问题严重）

Paul Bogard builds a very persuasive argument to persuade his audience that natural darkness should be preserved. Bogard uses many features such as touch, feeling, seeing or even our own senses. Touching all of these features within Bogard's essay will make his argument stronger on wheather natural darkness should be preserved.

One of the senses Bogard uses within his essay is touch. He concludes that many species depend on the darkness. I think that this is an important part to Bogard's essay because it is showing that not only humans depend on this. Darkness tends to evolve all over the world for a variety of things.

Another sense that Bogard uses is feeling. He compares the rythm into which light and dark days exist. Many medical centers have concluded that are bodies need darkness to produce many different hormones and to continue with processes to keep us alive. Paul shows how many different characteristics affect how important darkness is to a human body.

In Bogard's essay he talks about many different religious tradition that vaule darkness. I think that this topic Bogard uses appeals to emotion to many different religious groups. Giving evidence of a historical artist Van Gogh adds a lot of emotion to this particular essay.

In Bogard's essay he provides information about technologies that are determining different light fixtures. Comparing how cities and towns across the world are changing thier ways of light is going to be wasted.

I think that Bogard's essay is particulary strong. He uses a lot of evidence with emotion. Providing a variety of different examples on how darkness should be perserved gives a lot of power to the ideas that are expressed.

范文点评

从作文看，考生对所给材料的阅读不够充分，有一定的曲解，分析也只停留在了识别层面，语言基础一般。

阅读方面

①主旨和证据层面：通过反复阅读材料文段下方的考试说明中的关于保持自然黑暗重要性的陈述，抓住了Bogard的主旨，能够理解原文的少量细节。

Eg. Many species depend on darkness; our bodies need darkness to produce many different hormones; different religious tradition that value darkness; cities and towns across the world are changing thier ways of light.

②关联层面：存在对原文意思的曲解或不清晰理解。

Eg. Darkness tends to evolve all over the world for a variety of things; In Bogard's essay he provides information about technologies that are determining different light fixtures.

分析方面

①识别层面：识别出了Bogard在文中采用了触感、感触、视觉及我们自己的感觉等方式来建立论述。

②分析层面：未能具体表达出Bogard是如何使用这些元素的。例如：在第二段，作文指出Bogard采用了触感的方式，但是没有任何进一步的相关分析，只是说“He concludes that many species depend on the darkness.”在第三段中，作文又指出了Bogard对感觉的使用，但仍然没有相关的分析，也未能解释自己从原文引用的证据跟“feeling”有什么关系。在第四段中，作文正确识别了Bogard用情感方式建立论述的特征，但也没有进一步的讨论。尽管作文体现了考生有一定的分析意识，但大多还是无效的分析。

写作方面

①结构层面：全篇行文较为连贯，基本建立了文章的框架，简单在开头段提出了主旨，主体段也大体遵循了想要讨论的结构顺序，但是文章欠缺段内的语义递进，语义较为零散。因此全文段落间只是表面上遵循了一定的逻辑结构，实际内容并没有做到连贯。

Eg. In Bogard's essay he provides information about technologies that are determining different light fixtures. Comparing how cities and towns across the world are changing thier ways of light is going to be wasted.

②词句层面：文中存在语义组织和语言方面的错误，一定程度上影响了语言质量，从而影响了考官对文章的理解。

考生作文5（Scores：2/2/2）（语法问题严重）

In Paul Bogard's essay "Let there be Dark" he emphasizes the importance of natural darkness. Bogard begins his argument by first providing a story from his personal experience, appealing to the reader by adding imagery. "I knew night skies in which meteors left smoky trails across sugary spreads of stars." In this sentence, Bogard depicts the beauty of natural darkness using detail. Bogard continues with comparing his personal perspective of natural darkness in the past to society's perspective in the present. "Today, though, when we feel the closeness of night fall, we reach quickly for a light switch." Implying that the times have definitely changed and natural darkness's value has been lost in society, replaced with artificial light. This example gives Bogard a sense of voice and his use of comparison is definitely effective.Bogard supports his claims about natural darkness's underrated value by providing the reader with evidence of health problems that the opposite replacement, artificial light, can cause. "Our bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin, which keeps certain cancers from developing." Oh, no! Not cancer! Right there is a quick attention grabber to any reader previously bored by Bogard's constant opinions because now there are facts, and a fact relating to the reader is the best persuasion, especially when it relates to there health or well-being. Cancer, because who wants a terminal illness over an action as simple as flipping a switch on a night light when it's too dark for your comfort?

范文点评

阅读方面

①主旨与证据层面：作文在第一段中表达了宽泛的主旨，并选取了一些细节，即Bogard对于自己过去和现在生活的比较。

Eg. In Paul Bogard's essay "Let there be Dark" he emphasizes the importance of natural darkness. Implying the times have definitely changed and natural darkness's value has been lost in society, replaced with artificial light.

②结构层面：作文只是在主体段简单引用了Bogard关于过度使用人造光给健康带来负面影响的观点，之后文章便仓促结尾。

分析方面

①识别层面：识别出了阅读文章中使用的两种主要手法或特征。

②分析层面：能够识别Bogard在使用夜空流星的故事中关于比喻手法的使用，并指出这一手法可以唤起读者共鸣，但是并没有进一步讨论比喻手法使用的细节及如何支持主旨。文中也提及了Bogard关于儿时和现在生活的比较，但是并未解释这种比较的手法是如何有效支持原文作者的论述的。文中最后指出Bogard提及癌症是“a quick attention grabber”以及作者使用 “a fact relating to the reader is the best persuasion，especially when it relates to there health or well-being。”但是并没有详细说明这一点。文中的每一处分析都只识别了论据或修辞手法，但没有解释这种手法的重要性。

写作方面

①结构层面：尽管文章有主旨句，但是没有开头段和结尾段，结构并不完整。

②词句层面：句子表述清晰，但是结尾处的用语不够正式客观；用反问句突兀地结尾，也背离了客观的语气。

Eg. Oh, no! Not cancer! Right there is a quick attention grabber to any reader previously bored by Bogard's constant opinions.

Cancer, because who wants a terminal illness over an action as simple as flipping a switch on a night light when it's too dark for your comfort?

考生作文6（Scores：3/3/3）（有一定语法问题）

In Paul Bogard's article "Let there be dark" he's building an arguement to persuade his audience to preserve natural darkness. Bogard builds his arguement in a few different ways. Bogard uses a personal story, appeals to people's emotions, and states benefits of natural darkness.

By using a personal story Bogard allows his audience to connect to him. If his audience can relate or even understand his story they will be more willing to agree with him. The personal story also shows that the issue of preserving natural darkness isn't just another topic to write about but something that he is actually passionate for. In his personal story Bogard uses great imagery making the audience picture what he saw and maybe make them want to experience it too.

Bogard uses pathos by stating examples that appeal to people's emotions. In the article he wrote "Those of us over 35 are perhaps among the last generation to have known truly dark nights." This statement appeals more to the younger generations emotion. By stating this people who are younger then 35 might feel that they were robbed of the oppurtunity to experience the real beauty of natural darkness. This would proably help his younger audience to agree with him because they might want the chance to see the real beauty of natural darkness.

Bogard writes about the benefits that natural darkness actually produces. In the article he talks about how darkens actually helps the body produce a hormone that keeps certain cancers from developing. He also includes how darkness helps and is necessary for certain animals. These examples will help his audience see that he is arguing for some beneficial for people. This also helps appeal to an audience that might not care for the beauty of darkness but care for their own personal health.Bogard uses different features in order to persuade his audience. The different features also help him in appealing to a broader audience.

范文点评

阅读方面

①主旨和论据层面：文中有明确的主旨和较充足的证据。作文第二段讨论了Bogard关于夜空的这段个人经历，尽管文中没有陈述经历本身，但是可以看出考生已经理解了Bogard的儿时经历。在后面的段落中，考生引用并讨论了作者的分论点，进一步展现了对原文的理解。文中最后讨论了Bogard关于黑暗对动物和人类的用处的观点。

②关联层面：尽管文中只是模糊提及了“darkness helps and is necessary for certain animals”，并没有清晰的文本证据，但是考生能够有效地理解原文主旨“he's building an argument to persuade his audience to preserve natural darkness”和重要细节。

分析方面

①识别层面：清晰地识别了Bogard在原文中所用的三种论证特征。

Eg. Bogard uses a personal story, appeals to people's emotions, and states benefits of natural darkness.

②分析层面：作文进一步展开分析了这几种论证特征。例如：在讨论Bogard开篇所引用的个人经历时，考生解释了这一手法如何有效地帮助了读者理解原文主旨（If his audience can relate or even understand his story they will be more willing to agree with him）。作文也阐释了对个人经历的使用表现出的Bogard的热情。Bogard在描述自己的个人经历时所运用的比喻让“the audience picture what he saw and maybe make them want to experience it too。”这篇文章如果能更详尽地分析为何这些手法使得读者愿意分享Bogard的经历，将会更优秀，但是文中只是给出了一定的相关的分析。

Eg. In the response's body paragraphs, the writer moves beyond mere assertions to a competent evaluation of how pieces of evidence, reasoning, or stylistic or persuasive elements contribute to the argument.

写作方面

①结构层面：这篇文章大部分内容连贯，语言能力良好。文中用简明的开头段建立了主旨，并提出文章的三个主要分析点。三个主体段遵循了清晰但有些模板化的格式。每段段内都展现了语义的递进，很好地把原文中的直接引用和证据融入到了分析中，且语义有一定的逻辑性。

Eg. Bogard uses pathos by stating examples that appeal to people's emotions. In the article he wrote "Those of us over 35 are perhaps among the last generation to have known truly dark nights." This statement appeals more to the younger generations' emotion. By stating this...

②词句层面：句子结构多样，有一些很精准的用语。尽管有少量错误，但不影响阅读质量，语言整体良好。

Eg. robbed of the oppurtunity

their own personal health

These examples will help his audience see that he is arguing for some benefical for people.

考生作文7（Scores：4/1/3）（有一定语法问题）

Paul Bogard strongly believes that natural darkness should be preserved. In order to prove the need for natural darkness, Bogard divides his argument into three main topics, saying that natural darkness is beneficial to humans, essential to humans, and essential to ecosystems.

According to Bogard, natural darkness can be a positive help to humans. One of the ways it can accomplish this is by giving enjoyment to onlookers. To supplant this, Bogard gives a personal example of how he enjoyed seeing meteors dart across the night sky in Minnesota as a child. Also he states that natural darkness can be a source of solitude. Supporting this claim, Bogard states that darkness is invaluable to every religion. Additionally Bogard says that the night sky has inspired countless numbers of philosophers, artists, and stargazers for millennia. He then gives an appealing allusion by asking how Van Gogh could have painted "Starry Night" in the mist of electric light. One of Bogard's primary arguments for natural darkness shows how it can benefit humans.

Bogard then gives a scientific case that shows why natural darkness is essential to humans. He states a find of the World Health Organization that declares the night shift can be detrimental to one's health. He points to the necessity of darkness in producing melatonin, a hormone that helps prevent certain cancers from developing in the human body. Bogard then concludes his argument that darkness is essential to human well-being by analyzing sleep. He first makes the obvious claim that darkness is essential for sleep. Then, he talks about the negative health effects of sleep disorders; these include "diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression." To associate this with his argument for natural darkness, Bogard states the findings of recent research, which say that "long light" is one of the primary causes of "short sleep." Bogard uses scientific evidence to support his belief in the preservation of natural darkness.

Bogard's third primary defense of natural darkness declares that it is essential to nature. He notes that there are a variety of nocturnal and crepuscular species of birds, fish, mammals, insects, and reptiles worldwide. He gives two specific, well-known examples of these species; these discussed the 400 species of North American birds that migrate at night and the sea turtles that lay their eggs on the shore at night. He also gives a couple of lesser-known examples, involving bats and moths that show the positive actions that some nocturnal animals perform. He then concludes his argument for nocturnal darkness necessary to nature with persuasion, saying that removing natural darkness would essentially destroy an ecology that took billions of years to develop. Here, Bogard uses scientific fact to prove that natural darkness is a key to nature and ecology. Paul Bogard supports the preservation of natural darkness. He uses an argument to support his position that has three primary points — benefit to humans, need for humans and need for nature.

范文点评

阅读方面

①主旨与结构层面：简明地总结了Bogard原文的主旨，并熟练地提取了文中的三个主要论点。

Eg. …natural darkness should be preserved.

…that natural darkness is beneficial to humans, essential to humans, and essential to ecosystems.

②关联层面：文中运用了原文的多种细节来支持这些分析点。第二段中，考生展现了对Bogard个人经历的理解（personal example of how he enjoyed seeing meteors dart across the night sky in Minnesota as a child），包括个人经历是如何支持原文主旨的（natural darkness can give enjoyment to onlookers）。考生也理解了黑暗作为“a source of solitude”与它激发“countless numbers of philosophers，artists，and stargazers for millennia”之间的联系。能够提供这些细节，充分说明了考生对Bogard关于黑暗对人类有利这一论点的理解。此外，文中还通过讨论黑暗为何对人类健康和对大自然有重要性，进一步展现了这些细节是如何相互关联并且如何支持主旨的。尽管全文贯穿了对大量细节的转述，缺少一点直接引用，但也足以展现考生对阅读材料的充分理解。

分析方面

①识别层面：文章只是简单识别了一些论证元素。

②分析层面：文章并未进行有效的分析。尽管清晰理解了Bogard的全文，但是文章并没有阐释Bogard是如何通过论据、论证和风格要素等来支持论述的，也没有分析出这些要素跟读者的联系。

Eg. The appealing allusion Bogard offers regarding Van Gogh's Starry Night, or the scientific evidence Bogard uses to support his belief in the preservation of natural darkness.

写作方面

①结构层面：文章开头段有效地提出了清晰的观点，并列出了三个分析点。文章包括大体有效的总结段，但没有清晰的分段，只是简单重述。文章围绕开头段所列出的三个分析点来组织全文，且每一段都能围绕主题句展开，展现了段间和段内的清晰递进。

Eg. In order to prove the need for natural darkness, Bogard divides his argument into three main topics, saying that natural darkness is beneficial to humans, essential to humans, and essential to the ecosystem.

Paul Bogard supports the preservation of natural darkness. He uses an argument to support his position that has three primary points—benefit to humans, need for humans and need for nature.

②词句层面：句式结构有些重复、简单，比如每段结尾都只是简单重复观点。句式不够多样，用词也不够精确。

Eg. Bogard then gives a scientific case that shows why natural darkness is essential to humans.

Bogard uses scientific evidence to support his belief in the preservation of natural darkness.

考生作文8（Scores：4/3/4）（基本没有语法问题）

Paul Bogard, a respected and passionate writer, offers a convincing argument on the importance of allowing more darkness to fill the earth for distinct health and ecological reasons. With light providing as such a huge factor in daily life, we sometimes forget that darkness can have more healing abilities, and allows nature to return to a nonartificial, primitive state. Bogard uses personal observation for credibility, stirring feelings, and startling facts to deliver a powerful argument.

Throughout the passage, Bogard remains nostalgic about his childhood: "At my family's cabin on a Minnesota lake, I knew woods so dark that my hands disappeared before my eyes. I knew night skies in which meteors left smoky trails across sugary spreads of stars...This winter solstice, as we cheer the days' gradual movement back toward light, let us also remember the irreplaceable value of darkness." The description of nature and the stunningly beautiful imagery creates a feeling of deep respect for the darkness. We share in Bogard's view and as a result, Bogard has undeniable credibility. Bogard knows the power of darkness and through his childhood memories, we lean our ears to listen to him.

Even though credibility makes many appearences throughout the passage, it would have no real meaning without evoking emotion. Bogard strikes the people who disagree with him when he says, "Our bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin, which keeps certain cancers from developing and our bodies need darkness for sleep. Sleep disorders have been linked to diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression, and recent research suggests one main cause of ‘short sleep' is ‘long light'." Bogard's statement dissolves any doubt, but builds up new feeling. We finally see the true importance of allowing our world to temporarily succumb to darkness. Through the emotion Bogard evokes, we suddenly feel defensive in preserving the darkness for the sake of our mental and physical health. Bogard even makes us think about the future generations: "In a world awash with electric light...how would Van Gogh have given the world his ‘starry night'? Who knows what this vision of the night sky must inspire in each of us, in our children or grandchildren?"

In order to achieve proper credibility and stir emotion, undeniable facts must reside in passage. Bogard has completed his research, and uses it to further his case: "The rest of the world depends on darkness as well, including nocturnal and crepuscular species of birds, insects, mammals, fish, and reptiles. Some examples are well known—the 400 species of birds that migrate at night in North America, the sea turtles that come to lay their eggs—and some are not, such as the bats that save American farmers billions in pest control and the moths that pollinate 80% of the world's flora." Using the facts about animals, Bogard extends the argument beyond humans, allowing us to see that darkness does not only have an impact on us, but all of nature. Bogard then says, "In the United States and Western Europe, the amount of light in the sky increases an average of about 6% every year... Much of this light is wasted energy, which means wasted dollars. Those of us over 35 are perhaps among the last generation to have known truly dark nights." However, Bogard extends the facts to offer various solutions to wasted and excessive light, such as changing LED streetlights and reducing the use of lights in public buildings and homes during the night. Bogard builds up our world, and then breaks it down in our minds with his writing: "Simply put, without darkness, Earth's ecology would collapse..."

We can still save our world according to Bogard. We must see the strength and beauty in the darkness, and remember how our world survived without lights. Light can be acceptable, but too much of it can prove worse than permanent darkness.

范文点评

阅读方面

①主旨与论据层面：文章展现了考生优秀的阅读理解能力，捕捉到了原文的主旨并正确引用和转述了原文的大量重要细节。

Eg. …the importance of allowing more darkness to fill the earth for distinct health and ecological reasons.

②关联层面：文章阐释了这些观点和细节的内在关系，比如第四段中从人类到动物、从问题到解决方案的论述过程。

Eg. Using the facts about animals, Bogard extends the argument beyond humans...

Bogard extends the facts to offer various solutions...

分析方面

①识别层面：文章分析了Bogard采用的三种主要手法。

Eg. Bogard uses personal observation for credibility, stirring feelings, and startling facts to deliver a powerful argument.

②分析层面：文章讨论了Bogard对于这三种手法的使用，并能够认知这些手法对于影响读者的意义。第一段体现了明显的有效分析，讨论了读者们在读完Bogard儿时关于黑暗的个人经历的反应，但是未能更详尽地分析这些手法的具体作用。文章评估了Bogard使用的个人观察、情感、事实等手法，并提供了充足的证据支持。

Eg. Bogard knows the power of darkness and through his childhood memories, we lean our ears to listen to him.

Bogard's statement dissolves any doubt, but builds up new feeling. We finally see the true importance of allowing our world to temporarily succumb to darkness. Through the emotion Bogard evokes, we suddenly feel defensive in preserving the darkness for the sake of our mental and physical health.

写作方面

①结构层面：文章包含清晰的主旨，每一段都围绕着主题句展开，段内和段间也有清晰的递进，结尾段进一步发展了全文但又不仅限于重述主旨。

Eg. Bogard uses personal observation for credibility, stirring feelings, and startling facts to deliver a powerful argument.

②词句层面：文章用词精确，并且用到了一些高级的词组。尽管部分用语略浮夸，但整体非常优秀。

Eg. temporarily succumb to darkness, remains nostalgic about his childhood, dissolves any doubt

We must see the strength and beauty in the darkness, and remember how our world survived without lights. Light can be acceptable, but too much of it can prove worse than permanent darkness.

In order to achieve proper credibility and stir emotion, undeniable facts must reside in the passage.

2．官方写作样题2（附高分范文）

As you read the passage below, consider how Dana Gioia uses

● evidence, such as facts or examples, to support claims.

● reasoning to develop ideas and to connect claims and evidence.

● stylistic or persuasive elements, such as word choice or appeals to emotion, to add power to the ideas expressed.

Adapted from Dana Gioia, "Why Literature Matters." ©2005 by The New York Times Company. Originally published April 10, 2005.

A strange thing has happened in the American arts during the past quarter century. While income rose to unforeseen levels, college attendance ballooned, and access to information increased enormously, the interest young Americans showed in the arts — and especially literature — actually diminished.

According to the 2002 Survey of Public Participation in the Arts, a population study designed and commissioned by the National Endowment for the Arts (and executed by the US Bureau of the Census), arts participation by Americans has declined for eight of the nine major forms that are measured... The declines have been most severe among younger adults (ages 18–24). The most worrisome finding in the 2002 study, however, is the declining percentage of Americans, especially young adults, reading literature.

That individuals at a time of crucial intellectual and emotional development bypass the joys and challenges of literature is a troubling trend. If it were true that they substituted histories, biographies, or political works for literature, one might not worry. But book reading of any kind is falling as well.

That such a longstanding and fundamental cultural activity should slip so swiftly, especially among young adults, signifies deep transformations in contemporary life. To call attention to the trend, the Arts Endowment issued the reading portion of the Survey as a separate report, "Reading at Risk: A Survey of Literary Reading in America."

The decline in reading has consequences that go beyond literature. The significance of reading has become a persistent theme in the business world. The February issue of Wired magazine, for example, sketches a new set of mental skills and habits proper to the 21st century, aptitudes decidedly literary in character: not "linear, logical, analytical talents," author Daniel Pink states, but "the ability to create artistic and emotional beauty, to detect patterns and opportunities, to craft a satisfying narrative." When asked what kind of talents they like to see in management positions, business leaders consistently set imagination, creativity, and higher-order thinking at the top.

Ironically, the value of reading and the intellectual faculties that it inculcates appear most clearly as active and engaged literacy declines. There is now a growing awareness of the consequences of nonreading to the workplace. In 2001 the National Association of Manufacturers polled its members on skill deficiencies among employees. Among hourly workers, poor reading skills ranked second, and 38 percent of employers complained that local schools inadequately taught reading comprehension.

The decline of reading is also taking its toll in the civic sphere... A 2003 study of 15- to 26-year-olds' civic knowledge by the National Conference of State Legislatures concluded, "Young people do not understand the ideals of citizenship... and their appreciation and support of American democracy is limited."

It is probably no surprise that declining rates of literary reading coincide with declining levels of historical and political awareness among young people. One of the surprising findings of "Reading at Risk" was that literary readers are markedly more civically engaged than nonreaders, scoring two to four times more likely to perform charity work, visit a museum, or attend a sporting event. One reason for their higher social and cultural interactions may lie in the kind of civic and historical knowledge that comes with literary reading...

The evidence of literature's importance to civic, personal, and economic health is too strong to ignore. The decline of literary reading foreshadows serious long-term social and economic problems, and it is time to bring literature and the other arts into discussions of public policy. Libraries, schools, and public agencies do noble work, but addressing the reading issue will require the leadership of politicians and the business community as well...

Reading is not a timeless, universal capability. Advanced literacy is a specific intellectual skill and social habit that depends on a great many educational, cultural, and economic factors. As more Americans lose this capability, our nation becomes less informed, active, and independent-minded. These are not the qualities that a free, innovative, or productive society can afford to lose.

Write an essay in which you explain how Dana Gioia builds an argument to persuade his audience that the decline of reading in America will have a negative effect on society. In your essay, analyze how Gioia uses one or more of the features in the directions that precede the passage (or features of your own choice) to strengthen the logic and persuasiveness of his argument. Be sure that your analysis focuses on the most relevant features of the passage.

Your essay should not explain whether you agree with Gioia's claims, but rather explain how Gioia builds an argument to persuade his audience.

高分范文（Scores：4/3/4）

In the article, "Why Literature Matters" by Dana Gioia, Gioia makes an argument claiming that the levels of interest young Americans have shown in art in recent years have declined and that this trend is a severe problem with broad consequences. Strategies Gioia employs to support his argument include citation of compelling polls, reports made by prominent organizations that have issued studies, and a quotation from a prominent author. Gioia's overall purpose in writing this article appears to be to draw attention towards shortcomings in American participation in the arts. His primary audience would be the American public in general with a significant focus on millennials.

In his introduction paragraph, Gioia employs a distinct contrast with several listed positive changes in American life such as increased college attendance and increases in income, with the focus of his article: the fact that the interest young Americans show in art has declined. This tool is utilized to establish an emphasis on his primary point by highlighting it as a negative development relative to other changes in American life. This literary tool serves a strong purpose by acting as a vehicle to draw the audience into the principle issue addressed by the writing.

In paragraph 5, Gioia utilizes a synergistic reference to two separate sources of information that serves to provide a stronger compilation of support for his main topic. By citing a quotation from author Daniel Pinks who states, that the talents individuals require for success in the 21st Century are not, "linear, logical, analytic talents," but ones that provide, "the ability to create artistic and emotional beauty, to detect patterns and opportunities," and "to craft a satisfying narrative," Gioia is able to build his point with the agreement of a respected individual. He then immediately follows with a statement that business leaders like to see, "imagination, creativity, and higher order thinking" as qualities for individuals in management positions. This dual utilization of claims from two separate sources conveys to Gioia's audience the sense that the skills built through immersion in the arts are vital to succeeding in the modern workplace which aids in logically leading his audience to the conclusion that a loss of experience with the arts may foreshadow troubling results.

In paragraph 6, Gioia follows up on the point established in paragraph 5 by introducing a negative example of the consequences of loss of the arts with a focus on literacy. Gioia cites a 2001 poll on the National Association of American Manufactures stating that poor reading skills ranked second among its employees surveyed for skill deficiencies while 38% of employees believed local schools inadequately taught reading comprehension. Gioias presentation of a numerical statistic based on a major employer adds significant logical weight to his argument by providing an example of the effects of a deficit in experience with art and literature. This may effect his audience by providing a more accurrate depiction of the true problems caused by disconnection with arts while possibly choosing an example they could personally relate to.

Overall, Gioia provides a strong logical argument that disconnection with the arts is troubling for America. He employs strong logical connections and establishes real-world foundations for his point.

3．官方写作样题3（附满分范文）

(OG Sample Passage)

As you read the passage below, consider how Adam B. Summers uses

● evidence, such as facts or examples, to support claims.

● reasoning to develop ideas and to connect claims and evidence.

● stylistic or persuasive elements, such as word choice or appeals to emotion, to add power to the ideas expressed.

Adapted from Adam B. Summers, "Bag Ban Bad for Freedom and Environment." ©2013 by The San Diego Union-Tribune, LLC. Originally published June 13, 2013.

Californians dodged yet another nanny-state regulation recently when the State Senate narrowly voted down a bill to ban plastic bags statewide, but the reprieve might only be temporary. Not content to tell us how much our toilets can flush or what type of light bulb to use to brighten our homes, some politicians and environmentalists are now focused on deciding for us what kind of container we can use to carry our groceries.

The bill... would have prohibited grocery stores and convenience stores with at least $2 million in gross annual sales and 10,000 square feet of retail space from providing single-use plastic or paper bags, although stores would have been allowed to sell recycled paper bags for an unspecified amount. The bill fell just three votes short of passage in the Senate ... and Sen. Alex Padilla, D-Los Angeles, who sponsored the measure, has indicated that he would like to bring it up again, so expect this fight to be recycled rather than trashed.

While public debate over plastic bag bans often devolves into emotional pleas to save the planet or preserve marine life (and, believe me, I love sea turtles as much as the next guy), a little reason and perspective is in order.

According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, plastic bags, sacks, and wraps of all kinds (not just grocery bags) make up only about 1.6 percent of all municipal solid waste materials. High-density polyethylene (HDPE) bags, which are the most common kind of plastic grocery bags, make up just 0.3 percent of this total.

The claims that plastic bags are worse for the environment than paper bags or cotton reusable bags are dubious at best. In fact, compared to paper bags, plastic grocery bags produce fewer greenhouse gas emissions, require 70 percent less energy to make, generate 80 percent less waste, and utilize less than 4 percent of the amount of water needed to manufacture them. This makes sense because plastic bags are lighter and take up less space than paper bags.

Reusable bags come with their own set of problems. They, too, have a larger carbon footprint than plastic bags. Even more disconcerting are the findings of several studies that plastic bag bans lead to increased health problems due to food contamination from bacteria that remain in the reusable bags. A November 2012 statistical analysis by University of Pennsylvania law professor Jonathan Klick and George Mason University law professor and economist Joshua D. Wright found that San Franciscos plastic bag ban in 2007 resulted in a subsequent spike in hospital emergency room visits due to E. coli, salmonella, and Campylobacter-related intestinal infectious diseases. The authors conclude that the ban even accounts for several additional deaths in the city each year from such infections.

The description of plastic grocery bags as "single-use" bags is another misnomer. The vast majority of people use them more than once, whether for lining trash bins or picking up after their dogs. (And still other bags are recycled.) Since banning plastic bags also means preventing their additional uses as trash bags and pooper scoopers, one unintended consequence of the plastic bag ban would likely be an increase in plastic bag purchases for these other purposes. This is just what happened in Ireland in 2002 when a 15 Euro cent ($0.20) tax imposed on plastic shopping bags led to a 77 percent increase in the sale of plastic trash can liner bags.

And then there are the economic costs. The plastic bag ban would threaten the roughly 2,000 California jobs in the plastic bag manufacturing and recycling industry, although, as noted in the Irish example above, they might be able to weather the storm if they can successfully switch to producing other types of plastic bags. In addition, taxpayers will have to pony up for the added bureaucracy, and the higher regulatory costs foisted upon bag manufacturers and retailers will ultimately be borne by consumers in the form of price increases.

Notwithstanding the aforementioned reasons why plastic bags are not, in fact, evil incarnate, environmentalists have every right to try to convince people to adopt certain beliefs or lifestyles, but they do not have the right to use government force to compel people to live the way they think best. In a free society, we are able to live our lives as we please, so long as we do not infringe upon the rights of others. That includes the right to make such fundamental decisions as "paper or plastic?"

Write an essay in which you explain how Adam B. Summers builds an argument to persuade his audience that plastic shopping bags should not be banned. In your essay, analyze how Summers uses one or more of the features listed in the box above (or features of your own choice) to strengthen the logic and persuasiveness of his argument. Be sure that your analysis focuses on the most relevant features of the passage.

Your essay should not explain whether you agree with Summers' claims, but rather explain how Summers builds an argument to persuade his audience.

满分范文1（Scores：4/4/4）

In Adam B. Summers' "Bag ban bad for freedom and environment" editorial for the San Diego Union-Tribune, he argues against the possible laws hindering Californians from using plastic bags at grocery stores. He believes they would do more harm than good, and that "a little reason and perspective is in order." By the end of this piece the reader will likely find themselves nodding in agreement with what Summers has to say, and this isn't just because he's right. Summers, like any good writer, employs tactical reasoning and persuasive devices to plead with the audience to take his side. In this article, he demonstrates many such devices.

"Plastic bags ... make up only about 1.6 percent of all municipal solid waste materials," Summers ventures, his first utilization of a cold, hard fact. The truth in the numbers is undeniable, and he cites his sources promptly, making the statement that much more authentic. Knowledge is often viewed as power, and with information as direct as a statistic, Summers is handing that power to the reader — the power to agree with him. Not only does Summers spread the facts with numbers, he also does so with trends. He talks about the price increase in Ireland, and the documented health hazards of reusable bags. He uses the truth, backed by reliable sources, to infiltrate the readers' independent mind. His thoroughness in this regard carefully builds his argument against this piece of legislation, and this is just one of the many ways he spreads his opposition.

Additionally, Summers appeals to the ethnical and emotional side of individuals. With key phrases like "taxpayers will have to pony up" and "borne by consumers," Summers activates the nature of a human to act in their own self-interest. While one might view this as selfish, Summers reassures the reader that they are not alone in feeling this way, further contributing to his argument. With his statement that he "love[s] sea turtles as much as the next guy," Summers adds acceptance to those who don't care to act with regard for the environment. By putting himself beside the reader as a typical consumer, he equals them, and makes himself more likeable in the process. Appealing to environmentalists, too, Summers qualifies that they "have every right to try to convince people to adopt certain beliefs or lifestyles, but they do not have the right to use government force ..." A statement such as this is an attempt to get readers of either persuasion on his side, and his ingenius qualification only adds to the strength of his argument. An article focusing on the choice between "paper or plastic," and how that choice might be taken away certainly seems fairly standard, but by adjusting his diction (i.e. using well known phrases, selecting words with strong connotations), Summers creates something out of the ordinary. It is with word choice such as "recycled rather than trashed" that the author reveals the legislations intent to stir up a repeat bill. Because the issue at hand is one of waste and environmental protection, his humorous diction provides a link between he and the audience, revealing not only an opportunity to laugh, but also reinforcement of the concept that Summers is trustworthy and just like everyone else. Negative words with specifically poor connotations also aid Summers in his persuasive struggle. "Reprieve," "dubious," "bureaucracy," and "evil incarnate" all depict a disparaging tone of annoyance and anger, surely helping Summers to spread his message.

It is through many rhetorical devices that Summers sells his argument. Powerful diction, qualification, ethos, pathos, logos, and informative facts all contribute to an exceptionally well-written argument. It is his utilization of these practices and more that make this article worthy of recognition. Once one reads the piece, they'll be nodding along in accordance with Summers, and it isn't for no reason.

满分范文2（Scores：4/4/4）

"Paper or plastic?" This is often a question we are asked at our weekly and/or bi-weekly trip to the supermarket to purchase groceries to keep our family fed. Adam B. Summers has created a highly plausible argument that may change your answer next time you go grocery shopping. He has developed valid claims that are backed up with crucial evidence and has been able to properly persuade the reader by appealing to logos and other rhetorical strategies.

Summers uses his words and research to reason with the reader and explain to them why plastic bags really are the correct choice. A vast majority of people are misled about all of the waste that plastic bags cause when Summers writes, "... plastic bags, sacks, and wraps of all kinds (not just grocery bags) make up only about 1.6 percent of all municipal solid waste materials." This number is definitely lower that we all assume, going into this passage, and we are left surprised.

Using reusable bags is a solution that others have come up with to attempt to create less waste, however Summers delivers an appealing argument. "... plastic bag bans lead to increased health problems due to food contamination from bacteria that remain in the reusable bags." This excerpt creates another claim that leaves the reader wondering if reusable bags are really worth it. These past two claims are connected well because they both draw the reader back to the idea of using plastic bags. Another claim by Summers, "one unintended consequence of the plastic bag would likely be an increase in plastic bag purchases for these other purposes." These "other purposes" can be for lining trash bins, picking up after your dog on a walk, collecting kitty litter, and many more things we use plastic bags for. When the author brings in all of these additional uses of the plastic bag, we see the significance of the plastic bag and how much money we save by reusing them. A final claim by Summers, "The plastic bag ban would threaten the roughly 2,000 California jobs in the plastic bag manufacturing and recycling industry..." Now the reader almost feels guilty because they do not want to take away jobs of others and the fact that some people even depend on shoppers using plastic bags. These two final claims are well connected because the author stressed the economic benefits of using plastic bags. Not only are these bags saving you money, but they also are keeping some people in work. These four ideas are successfully connected and convince the reader to use plastic bags over paper bags and other types of reusable bags.

Evidence is a key component of this passage and Summers is sure to include this when presenting us with key facts. He references important agencies such as the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency and includes a professor from the University of Pennsylvania, Jonathan Klick and a professor from George Mason University, Joshua D. Wright. The inclusion of this agency and these professors make the work of Summers credible and believable because us readers are confident of what we are being told is correct and true. Evidence he also uses are facts such as, "... plastic grocery bags produce fewer greenhouse gas emissions, require 70 percent less energy to make, generate 80 percent less waste." These facts back up Summers' claims that plastic bags are the better choice. Without evidence, his passage would not mean a thing to us readers and we would never be able to believe what he has said.

Persuasive elements are what make this passage successful. Summers has excellent ideas and credible evince, but his use of persuasion are what capture the reader. He appeals to logos when stating all of his claims about how using plastic bags can save you money and keep you from getting sick, but he also appeals to pathos because this passage described how plastic bags amount to less waste than most of us think and he wants to help us make the Earth a better place to live. Throwing examples at us, "... San Francisco plastic bag ban in 2007 resulted in a subsequent spike in hospital emergency room visits due to E. Coli, salmonella..." persuade the reader as well. With rhetorical strategies and direct examples, Summers is clearly able to persuade the reader to choose plastic next time.

So what will you choose next time you're shopping for groceries with your family? Summers has made the choice obvious with his persuasive and effective passage. He has been able to develop several ideas and backed them up with evidence that us readers can trust. After reading this passage, there seems to be no other choice than plastic.

4．官方写作样题4（附高分范文）

(OG Sample Passage)

As you read the passage below, consider how Peter S. Goodman uses

• evidence, such as facts or examples, to support claims.

• reasoning to develop ideas and to connect claims and evidence.

• stylistic or persuasive elements, such as word choice or appeals to emotion, to add power to the ideas expressed.

Adapted from Peter S. Goodman, "Foreign New at a Crisis Point." ©2013 by TheHuffingtonPost.com, Inc. Originally published September 25, 2013. Peter Goodman is the executive business and global news editor at TheHuffingtonPost.com.

Back in 2003, American Journalism Review produced a census of foreign correspondents then employed by newspapers based in the United States, and found 307 full-time people. When AJR repeated the exercise in the summer of 2011, the count had dropped to 234. And even that number was significantly inflated by the inclusion of contract writers who had replaced full-time staffers.

In the intervening eight years, 20 American news organizations had entirely eliminated their foreign bureaus.

The same AJR survey zeroed in on a representative sampling of American papers from across the country and found that the space devoted to foreign news had shrunk by 53 percent over the previous quarter-century.

All of this decline was playing out at a time when the U.S. was embroiled in two overseas wars, with hundreds of thousands of Americans deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan. It was happening as domestic politics grappled with the merits and consequences of a global war on terror, as a Great Recession was blamed in part on global imbalances in savings, and as world leaders debated a global trade treaty and pacts aimed at addressing climate change. It unfolded as American workers heard increasingly that their wages and job security were under assault by competition from counterparts on the other side of oceans.

In short, news of the world is becoming palpably more relevant to the day-to-day experiences of American readers, and it is rapidly disappearing.

Yet the same forces that have assailed print media, eroding foreign news along the way, may be fashioning a useful response. Several nonprofit outlets have popped up to finance foreign reporting, and a for-profit outfit, GlobalPost, has dispatched a team of 18 senior correspondents into the field, supplemented by dozens of stringers and freelancers.

We are intent on forging fresh platforms for user-generated content: testimonials, snapshots and video clips from readers documenting issues in need of attention. Too often these sorts of efforts wind up feeling marginal or even patronizing: "Dear peasant, here's your chance to speak to the pros about what's happening in your tiny little corner of the world." We see user-generated content as a genuine reporting tool, one that operates on the premise that we can only be in so many places at once. Crowd-sourcing is a fundamental advantage of the web, so why not embrace it as a means of piecing together a broader and more textured understanding of events?

We all know the power of Twitter, Facebook and other forms of social media to connect readers in one place with images and impressions from situations unfolding far away. We know the force of social media during the Arab Spring, as activists convened and reacted to changing circumstances. We get that YouTube and Vine and Instagram have become key components of the informational plumbing. Facts and insights reside on social media, waiting to be harvested by the digitally literate contemporary correspondent.

And yet those of us who have been engaged in foreign reporting for many years will confess to unease over many of the developments unfolding online, even as we recognize the trends are as unstoppable as globalization or the weather. Too often it seems as if professional foreign correspondents, the people paid to use their expertise while serving as informational filters, are being replaced by citizen journalists who function largely as funnels, pouring insight along with speculation, propaganda and other white noise into the mix.

We can celebrate the democratization of media, the breakdown of monopolies, the rise of innovative means of telling stories, and the inclusion of a diversity of voices, and still ask whether the results are making us better informed. Indeed, we have a professional responsibility to continually ask that question while seeking to engineer new models that can channel the web in the interest of better informing readers.

We need to embrace the present and gear for the future. These are days in which newsrooms simply must be entrepreneurial and creative in pursuit of new means of reporting and paying for it. That makes this a particularly interesting time to be doing the work, but it also requires forthright attention to a central demand: We need to put back what the Internet has taken away. We need to turn the void into something fresh and compelling. We need to re-examine and update how we gather information and how we engage readers, while retaining the core values of serious-minded journalism.

This will not be easy. The resulting models are far from obvious. But the alternative — accepting ignorance and parochialism — is simply not an option.

Write an essay in which you explain how Peter S. Goodman builds an argument to persuade his audience that new organizations should increase the amount of professional foreign news coverage provided to people in the United States. In your essay, analyze how Goodman uses one or more of the features listed in the box above (or features of your own choice) to strengthen the logic and persuasiveness of his argument. Be sure that your analysis focuses on the most relevant features of the passage.

Your essay should not explain whether you agree with Goodman's claims, but rather explain how Goodman builds an argument to persuade his audience.

高分范文1（Scores：4/3/3）

Over the years what is going on in the outside world has started to affect more. Whether it is a war that is going to effect us physically or even an oil disaster that will effect us economically. However, this news is not always covered. The U.S. news focuses more on what is going on in our own country than outside of it we are not well informed to the world around us. Peter S. Goodman uses many different types of evidence to support his claims and persuade his audience that news organizations should increase the amount of professional foreign news coverage provided to Americans.

Within the first three paragraphs of this article that author offers many statistical evidence. He throws out numbers. As a reader this appeals to a logical thinking audience. Also, many people will start to believe that this author is a credible source. He appears to know what his is talking about. Peter S. Goodman appears to have done some research on this topic and proves this within his first three paragraphs. The author uses numbers "307" and "234" in the first paragraph. He wanted to illustrate to this audience the decreasing amount of foreign correspondents that are employed by news companies within the U.S. right away Goodman shows the audience the subject of the article. He establishes his purpose. He wants to call for a change. The author never comes out and says this in the first paragraph, but he subtely hints at it. Next he shows how many news organizations no longer have "foreign bureau." Again he throws out a number, "53 percent" to show how much foreign news has decreased within the United States. All these facts are to support his claim that foreign news has shrunk within the United Stated over the years. He feels as if this should change so people are better informed. Perer S. Goodman then shifts from using statistical evidence to historical evidence.

Peter S. Goodman talks about things that are going on in the world around us today. He brings up many issues that have just recently occurred. As a reader I now start to question whether I know what these issues are all about. Did I ever hear about them or even read about them? These are all questions the author has put into the readers' mind. First, he starts off with the war in Iraq and Afghanistan which almost every reader would know about. There are issues that many of them had to deal with personality. Some of their family members may be serving overseas. The author makes a personal connection with the audience. They know the feeling of not knowing exactly what is going on overseas. They constantly question what is happening and whether their loved ones are safe. The author then claims that world news has stared to have an affect on our day to day lives in the US. He illustrates how our wages and economy depend on what is going on outside of the United States. Peter S. Goodman transitions from histerical evidence to things that we use for news such as social media to make a connection to his audience.

The author starts to talk about how we now rely on social media for our world news. He again backs up his claim that we need more "professional" foreign coverage in the United States. He explains how common people are providing the news. This may make for "speculation, propaganda, and other white noise into the mix." These people are not professional writers. Also, most of them are not neutral on an issue. He shows that common people are bias. They all have an opinion and share it. Instead of saying what is actually going on; they may say what they think is going on. The author uses the example of bias saying there was not new organization reporting on this. All of our news came from social media. People talk these accounts as truth. They do not realize that they are not filtered. He compares "professional foreign correspondents" to "informational filters" while he compares "citizen journalists" to "funnels". Professional reporters that would investigate foreign issues would only report back what they know is true. Only facts would be included. However, every day people that are writing on the web would say anything and everything they could think of. He uses this comparison to show his audience the different way they are given information. He wants to show them that right now they are depending on opinions when in fact they should be depending on facts. The author goes from how people are obtain their information to how he thinks people should obtain their information.

Peter S. Goodman uses his last few paragraphs to state his claims once again. He reinforces the idea that we need to take back "what the Internet has taken away." He supports this earlier in his article when he shows how we do not also receive the full story when we rely on day to day people to report the world news. The author wants journalists to change the way they write. He believes that they will be much more successful in providing information to the public. They need to "engage" their readers. The author's last few paragraphs are used to restate his claims that he supported with evidence through out his article.

The author uses many different types of evidence to back up his claims. He shows that he has researched his topic by providing statistical evidence that agrees with his opinions. He shows the decrease in the amount of foreign correspondents with this evidence. Then he shifts to historical evidence. This evidence is used to show how much the world around us has an impact on our society. Then he transitions to how we obtain information today. He shows we do not always receive the full story. He uses this to claim how we should gain our information. The author believes in more foreign historical evidence. This evidence is used to show how much the world around us has an impact on our society. Then he transitions to how we obtain information today. He shows we do not always receive the full story. He uses this to claim how we should gain our information. The author believes in more foreign correspondents. Throughout "Foreign News at a Crisis Point" Peter S. Goodman uses evidence to portray why we need to increase the amount of foreign news we receive inside the United States. In using the evidence, he shows how and why the world around us constantly has an impact on us; this is why it is so important that the United States citizens have an accurate description of issues and situations that are developing in foreign nations.

高分范文2（Scores：4/3/3）

Media presentation from across the globe is vital to the upkeep and maintenance of our society. How this information is obtained and presented, if presented at all, is a different story, however Goodman builds an argument to persuade his audience that news organizations should increase the amount of professional foreign news coverage to the Americas through the presentation of statistics, connections to social media as well as using specific diction to establish his argument.

Goodman uses statistics and facts, as presented by the AJR, in order to show the loss of foreign correspondents reporting to the U.S. in order to persuade his audience that there is a need for more professional coverage. He begins his essay with the statistic saying that the level of professional foreign correspondents dropped from 307 full-time people to 234. This conveys that the number of people providing legitimate and credible information to the service in the U.S. is going down, thus alluding to the overall decrease in foreign Media, Goodman uses this to build his argument by evoking his audience to think that they may not be getting all the true media and facts presented. He uses the statistic of the shrinking correspondents to establish the fact that if this number is continually decreasing, there may be in the future a lack of unbiased media presentation, asking his audience to consider the importance of foreign news coverage.

Goodman connects to the vast implications of bias presented via social media to further build his argument. Reporters "know the power of Twitter, Facebook and other forms of social media" and, as they continue to rise in popularity in the distribution of media, are enabling the genesis of "citizen journalists who function largely as funnels…pouring white noise into the mix". Goodman further build his argument here in order to persuade his audience by showing how with the rise of social media, more biased and superfluous information can be projected and wrongly viewed.

Goodman says this to evoke a concern within his audience about the truth in media. Blatantly put, Goodman accounts for that if you want unbiased foreign media people must turn from social media such as Twitter and Facebook and turn toward professional foreign media presentation. Presenting this idea of a possible fallacy within social media greatly establishes his purpose as well as affirms his audience on weather they agree with him or not.

Also, Goodman uses specific diction to further establish his argument to persuade his audience. Goodman uses personal prounouns such as "we" to show that he personally is a part of the media presentation community, not only establishing his credibility on the subject, but also aiding in his persuasion of his audience by allowing them to think he is an expert in the field. Through his word choice, Goodman further establishes his argument by ascribing the need for more foreign reporter not as a burden but as a challenge. This adds in the persuasion of his audience by showing them that this is a real problem and that there are people rising up to it, and so should they.

Goodman' use of up-to-date references as well as connections to social media, use of statistics, and diction establish his argument of the need for more foreign reporters as well as persuading his audience of the need to do so.