【Introduction】
Mine has been a life filled with extraordinary events which marked my soul deeply. Too deeply, most psychologists would agree. Events which no child should ever endure have I endured and survived. My dilemma was, what to do with those bottled up emotions and feelings.
Half a century passed with those bottled up emotions. When I reached that point where the burden was too heavy to bear, I searched for means to unload the pain and begin the healing. I wanted to be free and start from scratch.
It was this desire to heal and unload the burden of pain that prompted me to face what had to flourish from within. It took courage to do what needed to be done, when fear dominated the events. It took perseverance, when I was at a cross-road, whether to continue as the past or free myself and start living rather than surviving by osmosis.
What did I do? I found my tongue at last. This was like a rooster that begins to crow and there is no stopping it; only mine came in torrents of words and art. The torrents became avalanches that came tumbling down and eradicated that pain.
I learned the true meaning of the best medicine, as stated by Ravindranath Tagore, the Hindu philosopher: water: tears, bath, ocean. It cleanses. My tears were the water that cleansed my soul. As I discarded pain, my body demanded frequent baths, and the ocean became my best ally in the final healing process.
This is much more than a poetry book. It is part of that catharsis which together with self-guided art therapy, became my healing tools of choice. Since those days when healing began I continue to inundate my computer with words, having a total of ninety works completed so far. I am currently working on twenty new books. The more I write and exteriorize my life's events and incidents, the more at peace I find myself. Tranquility has finally been reached in my being, and I was almost ready to give up. But, it came, none too early, and my life has flipped altogether.
Is mine a formal art? Not in the least. I am a self-taught artist, and the fact that it provided a means to heal. is the key factor in my overcoming pain. That was my main goal, and overcome it I did. It was not just the art and the writing. There were other elements of importance, and I allowed my intuition to lead the way. I became a willing participant of the healing adventure. I embraced it wholeheartedly and ultimately my goal to heal was accomplished.
I utilized prose, poetic prose, narrative prose and free style poetry, to bring forth the the feelings and reflections produced upon me by my life, by my living day to day as I walked along my path on this life's journey. At times when none of the above would do, I resorted to single words as if they were gold to be sparingly utilized. It does not matter that some may not qualify as poems. What is important is that they qualified in my healing. That is what counts.
As you read these pages, you will be embarking on an adventure which will take you into the core of my soul, and I honor your presence in my journey.
The Author
【序】
我过去的生命中充满了不寻常的事情,它们给我的灵魂留下了深刻的印记。这印记太过于深刻,即使是心理学家也大多无法一笑置之。我经历的这些事情,是没有哪个小孩子应该经历的,但我经历了,并且挺过来了。我曾挣扎过,不知如何处置这些尘封已久的情绪和情感。
这些情绪继续尘封着,半个世纪过去了。我开始觉得心中的负担压得我无处喘息,于是会寻找一些方式卸下心中的苦痛,开始逐渐释怀。我想一切归零,自由前行。
我想要释怀,想要卸下苦痛的负担,正是这渴望使我决定,去面对那些我无法抑制的,不断从内心中喷涌而出的东西。这其实只是必须要做的事情,却仍然要我鼓足勇气才能面对,因为一想到那些给我生命刻下印记的事件,恐惧便爬满了我的全身。我站在灵魂的十字路口,或是继续走在过去的老路上,或是转而解放自己的内心,开始真正的生活,不再挣扎着汲取生活的养分,苟延残喘。无论做什么选择,都将一路前行,不再回头。
我的选择?我终于发出了自己的声音。就像雄鸡一旦开始报晓,便势不可当;而我如雄鸡一般,艺术与文字如泉水般涌出。这气势一发不可收拾,如洪灌注,心中的苦痛分崩离析,全然不存。
我切实体会到了“万金良药”的个中真意。印度哲学家拉宾德拉纳特·泰戈尔曾说过,水:眼泪,沐浴,海洋,皆可净化。我的泪水就是洁净灵魂的净化之水。在我逐渐抛弃苦痛的过程中,我的身体渴求频繁的沐浴,而海洋,则在最后逐渐释怀的过程中,与我好似金兰之交。
这本书不仅是一本诗集而已,它还是我精神宣泄法的一部分。同自我摸索的艺术疗法一道,这两种方法成为我为了释怀而选择的工具。从我开始释怀的那些日子起,我便不断地将电脑里塞满文字,至今已经完成九十部作品之多,现在手中还有二十部新书正在创作。我越是书写,越是将生活中的那些事情与事件表现出来,自己便越发安宁。这安宁最终还是让我找寻到了,我差一点便要放弃。但它到底是来了,不算太早地来了。而我的生活,从此焕然一新。
我的艺术是一种形式艺术吗?不,一点也不。我算是一个自学成才的艺术家,而艺术为我提供了一种释怀的途径,这在我战胜苦痛的过程中至关重要。战胜苦痛才是我的最终目标,而我的确,做到了。除了艺术和写作,还有其他一些元素有无可取代的重要性,而我就任由自己跟着直觉走。在这场关于释怀的奇幻旅程中,我成了心甘情愿的参与者。我全身心地投入了进去,最终,我释怀的目标实现了。
生活,我行走在这生命旅途之中的每一天都赋予我情感与思考,而我用散文、诗体散文、叙事散文和自由体诗歌来表现它们。偶尔也会发现,这些诗或散文无一可用,这时我才寻求独词来作用,好似这些词如黄金一般稀有,要节约一点使用。即使有些文章不能算作是诗歌,那也无关紧要。重要的是它们不愧为我释怀的良药,而这,至关重要。
当您翻阅书页,您便启程探寻我魂灵之核心,而我之生命旅途有君相伴,不胜感激。
作者敬上