第105章

By Heaven! I never will forget her.Here I swear that, if we live to get out of this, I will not for all my days have anything to say to another living woman, and that wherever I go I will wait for her as faithfully as she waited for me.""Yes," I thought to myself, "if she comes back as beautiful as we knew her.But supposing she came back like that!"Well, and then we went.We went, and left those two in the presence of the very well and spring of Life, but gathered to the cold company of Death.How lonely they looked as they lay there, and how ill-assorted! That little heap had been for two thousand years the wisest, loveliest, proudest creatureI can hardly call her womanin the whole universe._i_ She _i_ had been wicked, too, in her way; but, oh! such is the frailty of the human heart, her wickedness had not detracted from her charm.Indeed, I am by no means certain that it did not add to it.It was, after all, of a grand order; there was nothing mean or small about Ayesha.

And poor Job, too! His presentiment had come true, and there was an end of him.Well, he has a strange burial placeno Norfolk hind ever had a stranger, or ever willand it is something to lie in the same sepulchre with the poor remains of the imperial _i_ She _i_.

We looked our last upon them and the indescribable rosy glow in which they lay, and then with hearts far too heavy for words we left them, and crept thence broken-down menso broken down that we even renounced the chance of practically immortal life, because all that made life valuable had gone from us, and we knew even then that to prolong our days indefinitely would only be to prolong our sufferings.For we feltyes, both of usthat, having once looked Ayesha in the eyes, we could not forget her forever and ever while memory and identity remained.We both loved her now and for always; she was stamped and carven on our hears, and no other woman or interest could ever raze that splendid die.And Ithere lies the stingI had and have no right to think thus of her.As she told me, I was naught to her, and never shall be through the unfathomed depth of Time, unless, indeed, conditions alter, and a day comes at last when two men may love one woman, and all three be happy in the fact.It is the only hope of my broken-heartedness, and a rather faint one.Beyond it I have nothing.Ihave paid down this heavy price, all that I am worth here and hereafter, and that is my sole reward.With Leo it is different, and often and often I bitterly envy him.his happy lot, for if _i_ She _i_ was right, and her wisdom and knowledge did not fail her at the last, which, arguing from the precedent of her own case, I think most unlikely, he has some future to look forward to.But I have none, and yetmark the folly and the weakness of the human heart, and let him who is wise learn wisdom from ityet I would not have it otherwise.I mean that I am content to give what Ihave given and must always give, and take in payment those crumbs that fall from my mistress's table, the memory of a few kind words, the hope one day in the far undreamed future of a sweet smile or two of recognition, a little gentle friendship, and a little show of thanks for my devotion to herand Leo.

If that does not constitute true love, I do not know what does, and all I have to say is that it is a very bad state of mind for a man on the wrong side of middle age to fall into.