第117章 The Protestant Confessional.(3)

"Mr.Eltinge,"she said,"at this time yesterday I did not expect to be alive to-day.I expected to be dead,and by my own hand.

Will God forgive such wickedness?"

"Dead!"exclaimed the old gentleman,starting up.

"Yes,"said Ida,growing still paler and trembling with apprehension,but still looking fixedly at Mr.Eltinge as if she would learn from his face whether she could hope or must despair because of her intended crime.

"And what changed your awful purpose,my child?"he said,very gravely.

"Your words at the prayer-meeting last night."The old gentleman removed his hat and reverently bowed his head.

"O God,"he murmured,"thou hast been merciful to me all my days;I thank thee for this crowning mercy."

"But will God be merciful to ME?"cried Ida,in a tone of sharp agony.

The old man came to he side,and placing his hands on her head spoke with almost the authority and solemnity of one of God's ancient prophets.

"Yes,my child,yes,he will be merciful unto you--he will forgive you.But in your deep need you require more than the assurance of a poor sinful mortal like yourself.Listen to God's own word:

'Thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity,whose name is Holy:I dwell in the high and holy place,with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit,to revive the spirit of the humble,and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.'

"'Like as a father pitieth his children,so the Lord pitieth them that fear him.'

"'If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins;and the blood of Jesus Christ,his Son,cleanseth us from all sin.'God answers your question himself,my child.""Oh,may He bless you for your kindness to me!It has saved me from despair and death,"sobbed Ida,burying her face in her hands,and giving way to the natural expression of feeling that ever relieves a heart that has long been overburdened.

For a few moments Mr.Eltinge said nothing,but gently stroked the bowed head as he might caress a daughter of his own.At last he asked,with a voice that was broken from sympathy with her emotion,"How about my Master,whose kind providence has brought all this about?"Ida gradually became more quiet,and as soon as she could trust herself to speak she lifter her head and answered:

"Mr.Eltinge,I think I can learn to love God as you portray him to me.But in my imperfection and wickedness I have not dared to think of him till I came here.""Now,isn't that just like the devil's work!"exclaimed Mr.Eltinge.

"It was our imperfection and wickedness that brought Christ to our rescue,and yet you have been made to believe that your chief claim upon our Divine Friend is a hopeless barrier against you!""Mr.Eltinge,"said Ida,slowly,as if she were trying to be sure that each word expressed her thought,"it was that word,FRIEND,as you used it last night,that caught my ear and revived my hopes.

I now believe that if you had spoken only of duty or truth,or even of God in the ordinary way,I should now be"--she buried her face in her hands and shuddered--"I should not be in this sunny garden with the memory that your hands have rested on my hands in blessing.

If I am to live,I shall need,above all things,a friend,and a very patient and helpful one,or else my burden will be heavier than I can carry.I have told you about my parents,and you thus know what I must look forward to in my own home.But such is my weakness and folly,I have a far worse trouble than that.You may smile at it and think that time will bring speedy relief.Perhaps it will--I hope so.I feel that I know so little about myself and everything else that I can never be sure of anything again.Mr.

Eltinge,I have been so unfortunate as to give my whole heart's love to a man who despises me.At first he seemed somewhat attracted,but he soon discovered how imperfect and ignorant I was,and coldly withdrew.He is now paying his addresses,I believe,to another lady,and I must admit that she is a lovely girl,and every way worthy of him.I think she will return his regard,if she does not already.But whether she does or not cannot matter,for he is so far my superior in every respect that he would never think of me again.In order to hide my foolish,hopeless passion,I received attentions from another man that I detested,and who has since proved himself an utter villain,but it so happened that my name became so closely associated with this low fellow,that when my heart was breaking for another reason,all thought that it was because I was infatuated with a man I loathed.Even Mr.Van Berg thought so,and I intended to compel him to respect me,or at least to think better of me,even if I had to die to carry out my purpose.I was desperate and blind with disappointment and despair.To a strong man,I suppose,these things do not count so greatly,but I'm inclined to think what with us poor women our heart-life is everything.Ifairly shiver at the thought of the future.How can I carry this heavy burden,year after year?Oh,how can I bear it?How can Ibear it?"and her eyes became full of desperate trouble again,at the prospect before her.

"Well,my dear,"said Mr.Eltinge in broken tones,"my heart goes out to you in sympathy as if you were my own daughter,but old James Eltinge can do but little towards curing your deep troubles.""I do not hope to be cured,"said Ida,despondently,"but I would be very glad if I could think my life would not be a burden to myself and others."Mr.Eltinge pondered a few moments,and then brightened up,as if a pleasant thought had struck him.